//I know and I had a great weekend and I will have another great few days with Robin. I absolutely love hanging out with my internet friends and spending time with them.
But these things don’t just cure my depression. It’s a misconception that I dislike about how others see depressed people. They don’t see what’s playing on the inside. You can be the most cheerful person who laughs all day, but deep inside there is an amount of self-loathing that doesn’t just disappear. You can do as many things as you want to ‘cheer you up’ but nothing will ‘cure it’. Depression cannot be cured; you need to learn to live with it. I know social contact is one of the things that help you over come it, as the brain will produce the right hormones that make you feel happy, but just an infinite flow of these hormones are not going to stop the depression. And you can’t force your brain to produce these happy-hormones all the time.
I just happen to get huge relapses when I’m not busy; so basically, when I get time to think and think so deep that I make myself depressed. Only the tiniest stimuli changes my mood, and they can even be things that aren’t supposed to make me unhappy. You just need that one spark to spiral down that depression slope again, and ever time your brain comes up with another thing that is to make you side, the walls of that slope collapse a bit more around you, making it harder and harder to get out of it. It’s a long process and every tiny thing that happens around you can cause you to slip down further and further.
And thinking I’m wonderful doesn’t help me see it. Cos I know who I am, I know what I do, and I know what I’m capable off. I know I’m far from wonderful.